I have been sleepless for a couple of days now. I've been stressed out by work, with the computer at my workstation threatening to malfunction and my laptop not being able to open it because apparently it was empty. Even made me cry. XD LOL This is a WonderWoman with shallow tears, sadly. XD But this is not the reason why I write this note. I miss being a real writer. I miss being able to write about myself and what's been happening in my crazy third chance at life.
However what I am about to write of is not only meant to pertain to me, but to fellow people who could probably be in the same situation as I am. After all, we all tend to tell ourselves that we are alone and no one can fully understand us, but actually, we are not.
I believe there has always been an unending rift between friendships and relationships. They clash everytime. Sure, friendships stay often just as friendship, but the bond is never lost...the affection is always there, the laughs never fade. Relationships go to many different levels. But at times, relationships gone wrong cause two individuals to become strangers to each other...the idea of regret keeps haunting... the "should have, would have, could have" situations are everpresent.
Sure, I can admit it was wreckless of me to care for people so far away. I agreed to befriend this one person whose identity still undeniably remains a mystery to me. Of all people ME. And to think that I seem to be the only person ever to remain as patient towards him as I have always been. I chose to remain patient, because I thought maybe I could get him to see things in a different light. My recent brush with death had blessed me with this ability to see good in people in an instant. I knew there was something good in this person and it was just waiting to be brought out.
Almost two years later, and still not a single smile from him. Is it really that difficult to give someone who you say you care about a simple photograph with a real smile in it? Does it really have to come to a point where you start calling the friends idiots? (OH NO YOU DIDN'T!!!) If there is one big mistake you can make, it's calling her friends idiots, because by doing so, it is the same with calling HER an idiot as well.
Naturally, people protect their friends. I know I would do the same if it were a friend that was in my current position. Naturally they will doubt, they will wonder. But it is not because they don't like you. It is for the sole reason that they don't want their friend to get hurt. Actually, the friends are the ones you can use as "bridges" to that person, the least you could do is also get along with them and get them to approve of you too. There is no one that can convince a person other than his family and friends because that's who that person trusts the most.
Naturally, when you protect someone, you don't let people say bad things about the other person. It is natural that she will fight for you because it hurts whenever she hears people doubting people she cares about. So don't go saying, "I don't understand why you have to defend me when we both know I didn't do anything wrong." If it had been a feisty girl, she would have even said, and quoting Edward Cullen in Twilight (because it really does fit), "CAN'T YOU JUST THANK ME AND GET OVER IT?!" XD But when you go saying that her friends are idiots, how distant do you think she can possibly feel from you? Would you rather have someone who fights for you or someone who lets people say whatever they want to say and spread false things about you?
Does it have to come to a point wherein you make her feel more like a shock absorber everytime you get mad...and still call her those petnames you fondly use for her? Is it really necessary for you to try to seclude her from her friends or feel jealous towards them just because she seems to laugh or smile more when she is with them? Is it right to say "there are promises you can TRY to keep"?
I, for one, think that promising should come AFTER trying to see if you can do it or not. What is the purpose of making promises if you are not sure you can fulfill them? Promises are not something you TRY to keep. Promises are something you DO. Breaking a promise should be the last resort. But then if you're asked of something small and you promise, then it gives the other a notion that you WILL do what you say. The best example I could possibly think of as an acceptable reason for breaking a promise is that from the Armaggedon movie when Bruce Willis had to break his promise to his daughter that he was coming home! XD
When we look at relationships as single people, it all seems so wonderful. Having someone to talk to all the time, a hand to hold or a shoulder to cry on or someone to spend your days with. But maybe it is about time we try to look at friendships from a different angle as well. In great friendships, you still have someone to talk to all the time, you always have a helping hand and a shoulder to cry on to, you have someone to hang out with all the time and share laughs and many more things because the level of closeness had grown over the years. Sometimes, it is better to be in great friendships than messy relationships.
In the end, the most important thing is that you are happy. Life is too short to be wasted on sadness. Live like you'll die tomorrow. :)
As the elders always said, "the more you look for love, the more it will hide from you....but when you don't look for it, that is when it will come at the most unexpected time." And as the Spice Girls used to say "If you want to be my lover, you got to get with my friends...make it last forever, friendship never ends." Who would have known they were using words of wisdom in those songs?! XD
