Of Notes and Beats

Aside from Art, I have always been a lover of music. When I was a child, around my ages of adolescence, my older brother let me borrow his CDs of Metallica, Guns N Roses, Korn, Limp Bizkit...the good old days of Rock music. When MTV was not yet completely overrated and I'd actually sit down and watch my favorite artists in it. I was the little girl with no sisters who loved loud music and played drums.

I always loved Rock music, not because of the noise it makes (as many people perceive Rock music to deliver exactly) but because of the way it somehow makes my heart thump within my chest. I love the sound of strong music with strong (but understandable) lyrics and a great beat. I can get lost in my own world of music and not care about what happens around me. I find much inspiration in loud music as I do in writing.

So the "Ber-months" have finally begun. It only means Christmas is right around the corner. Now I have started life in the corporate world, I wondered of what I knew I've always wanted to have but never really got the chance to get it for myself. The first thing that came to mind was HEADPHONES. I've had dozens of earphones in the past that worked fine, gave me the sound of the bass that I wanted, but never lasted more than half a year.

I searched the net for photographs of good headphones. I came across Skull Candy. Sure, I know you can say that I am way behind with the news if I only found out about it now. Well, my dear reader, I was never really particular with brands. As long as they work fine, then they're fine by me. But then yes, there were a couple of headphones created by Skull Candy that caught my eye. These are on my wish list. Nothing wrong with putting something on a wishlist, right? XD Wishing never did have a price tag...unfortunately these headphones do. Hahahaha!! Me likey...

Signs that You've Drunk Too Much Coffee

- You answer the door before people knock.
- Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
- You ski uphill.
- You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
- You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
- You lick your coffeepot clean.
- Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
- You chew on other people's fingernails.
- Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend."
- You can type sixty words per minute ... with your feet.
- You can jump-start your car without cables.
- Cocaine is a downer.
- You don't need a hammer to pound nails.
- Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
- You don't sweat, you percolate.
- You buy 1/2 & 1/2 by the barrel.
- You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
- You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
- You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
- You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
- Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
- You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
- People get dizzy just watching you.
- You've worn the finish off your coffee table.
- The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
- Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
- Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
- Instant coffee takes too long.
- When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."
- You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
- Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
- You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
- You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
- You can outlast the Energizer Bunny.
- You short out motion detectors.
- You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
- Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
- You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
- You don't tan, you roast.
- You can't even remember your second cup.
- You help your dog chase its tail.

Tired

I fear many things. I fear death, rejection, failure, solitude, and anger. I was never the strong person. I break down easily. These days I can no longer sleep properly. It is affecting my health and my mentality. I got a job not even one month into jobhunting. I thought this would be my dream job finally. But I was mistaken.

I love to write about personal experiences. I love to write about Life and Love. When I applied as writer to a certain company whose name I will no longer mention, I thought I was finally starting the life I have always wanted to live. Instead, they use my diploma to their advantage and gradually changed my job description from a writer to a graphic artist...and apparently these days, I am also now a marketer, as I have been told by my superior to be the one to look for merchants for this company and be the one to follow up on them.

If it was up to me alone, I would have quit. I applied as a writer not only because I like to write. This was my chance to fulfill a childhood dream. I have always wanted to be a creative writer...not a creative artist/ marketer. I feel so exhausted just thinking of it. Seeing what I have to do as a full-blown multitasker all the more makes me physically exhausted too.

This is what I have always loved to do. I just want to be able to write. T_T

Silence

Silence is acceptance...

Silence is tranquility...

Silence is strength...

Silence is stability...



Silence is composure...

Silence is contentment...

Silence is humility...

Silence is integrity...



Silence is concealed pain...

Silence is well-kept confusion...

Silence is professionally-hidden curiosity...

Silence is throbbing longing



I would rather accept than feel pain

I would rather be contented than be confused

I would rather be humble than harmfully curious

I would rather have integrity than be possessively longing.



Be silent. Answers are usually found in Silence.

How do I tell you...how much I want you to be with me now?

Angelic Prayer

My prayer to angels.....

Wipe me of these beads from dry
Take from me the longing I have so long protected
Rid me of my demons and free me with thine angels
Connect yet another last breath to my diminishing one

Lift the weight from these shoulders of mine
Tell me I wait for something worth all the million minutes
Tell me I wait for a voice worth all the spoken words of sincerity
Assure me that he is real...when those around me say he is not.

Relieve me with thine thoughts of security
Remind me that his laughter is as important as the mirth he should be receiving
Shield my mind and my heart from those hurtful
Who keep questioning his life, his existence.

Let the minutes I wait for him be worth every second
Make my heart not feel the pain of passing years, days, hours
Blow out the candles and fly my spirit a million miles
If not then help me tell him how much I love him.

Every hello means a hidden I LOVE YOU
Every I hate you means a hidden I NEED YOU
Every how are you means a hidden I MISS YOU
Every goodbye means a hidden HOW I WISH TO BE WITH YOU

Exhausted, I am but hopeful I remain...
Missing, yet longing I will forever be...
Broken, I may seem but hanging on I am within... <3

Why the Title?

A lot of people ask me why I named my book (which I have started writing since I was 15) and my blogs, "Walking on Snow". It's not really that big of a reason, actually. I was a little girl with simple aspirations. Many children say that they want to be doctors when they grow up, they want to be teachers, and scientists and nurses.

I remember writing in a little notebook. "I want to be a writer." Why? I wanted to be able to share whatever it is that I learn with the travels I got to go on with my family, the things I learned and discovered that are yet to be discovered by others. I love to tell stories, and at the same time, I love to read them.

"Someday, I want to be able to see snow."

There were no ellipses. Meaning, there was no hesitation in the things I wrote. I HAVE always wanted to see snow, and make my angels in it. It was one of the most innocent and simple dreams I have always had as a child. Walk on snow...become a writer...experience the feeling of being under the rain while in the arms of the one I will love the most...You may say "cheesy", I will understand. ^__^

Walking on Snow has a deeper meaning to me. Just like sand, footprints tend to be left when walking in it. But the cold and the depth of the snow are somehow like symbolisms of Life's struggles for me. As I have specified under the title of my blog, "Each footprint contains a story".

To walk on Snow means to walk in the beauty of Life
To walk on Snow means to marvel at the purity of Beauty
To walk on Snow means to triumph despite all Hardships
To walk on Snow means to love even if there is no point Loving.

Friendly Letter

Dearest Friend,

How are you? Much has changed with me. I am only 22 years old, yet I feel as if I've lived five decades. My soul is weary, but I am in love. I don't know if it was a mistake or a blessing. I like to think more of it as the second. It never felt like a mistake, falling in love. But it was indeed extraordinary for someone who lived a million miles away make my heart beat twice as fast with only the mention of his name.

His name is Michael. A wonderful man. An angel, if you will. Your invisible friend has now been seen. And it was him who was able to do so. When you see him, my friend. Tell him I love him with all my heart. Let him know that none of his imperfections, in any way, lessen what I feel for him. Let him know that every scar may break my heart, but each one of them makes me love him even more.

He calls me often. A voice that many may seem to find so awkward and so confusing surprisingly puts my heart at ease and my mind kept calm. He is everything I dreamed of and more. Do you know...I always love the way he makes sure that I am alright..yet he always avoids telling me if he is ill because he did not want me to worry. He understands me more than anyone does. He can easily tell what I feel just by hearing the way I say I am okay. I miss him all the time.

Michael is God's gift to me. He's the greatest gift I have ever received in my entire life. I do believe that God might be giving me hints now, telling me of my purpose in this life in the form of Michael. For some reason, I get the feeling that he might be the reason why God let me live when I was dying in the operating room and when I almost got shot in a robbery during my college years. He saved me for a reason...and I find it more than just an honor, if Michael is the reason why I am still here. If indeed he is, or even if he wasn't, I still want to be with him. I'm bound to this man with an invisible thread that I have no intentions of removing.

Several days ago, I found myself talking to my creator in my mind...I remember saying "God I know that you make things happen for a reason, I know there is something you want me to do, because you have saved me from death twice...I know there is a reason why you made me meet a man who lives all the way across the globe...I just find it so weird to be just a coincidence...I want to believe this is Your doing, because it has brought about such a wonderful thing...You gave me a new friend....a reason for me to smile every morning you keep blessing me with...I know there is something you want me to do...I know not if I am to make his life better...to be the missing half that he has been trying to find...or if you want me to learn something from him...all I know is I thank you for making such a beautiful soul. The distance is mindblowing. And I know that I can only trust You and his family and friends to take care of him for me while You still have not brought us to each other. I have never been more thankful that you kept me alive. I thank you with all my heart for keeping me alive long enough for my life to cross paths with his...I love You for giving him to me...I love and thank you for granting me the gift of Patience and Loyalty. I put my weary heart once again on the line, risking it one last time with faith in You and the one I sacrifice it for...I love him, Lord. Please give him to me.
Let me be the one to make his life better.
Let me be the one to help him start a better beginning.
Let me be the one to weep for him when he is aching...
Let me be the one to see him smile and experience the mirth he deserves.
Let me be the one to love him forever...in your name."

I know my prayer is never enough to really be able to tell you how much I really love him. I believe that will be something I will find most difficult to achieve despite the fact that I am a writer at heart. Words have always never been enough to explain how much I really love this man. I have never seen him nor held his hand. He whispers to me that he loves me, through the means of my mobile phone. He lets me know that he misses me through his words in the messenger when he reaches me.

To some, I may seem crazy. Loving the unreal, they say.
To some, I am a martyr, waiting and waiting for something that doesn't seem to even exist.
To some, I am a wishful thinker. With high ambitions that someone as perfect as he is will ever love someone as simple as me.
To some, I am confusing. Because they don't see the point of loving someone who only exists in a photograph.

I say...I may be crazy, but I know I am in love.
I say...I know I am a martyr, but it is for someone who I KNOW exists and is more than deserving.
I say...I know I am a wishful thinker. But my thoughts are all beautiful because they are of him..my angel...my inspiration...my savior...my purpose.
I say...I know I can be confusing. But it is only because they don't realize how beautiful it is to love someone like him and be loved in return.

My friend. I am in love. I am in love with God for making such a beautiful creation and giving him to me for me to take care of. I am in love with a man they always call unreal for they never see him in any other photographs. I am in love with a man who doesn't deserve to be called fake because I know he is real with every fiber in his being.

My friend, I keep waiting. They always say great things come when you wait. But I don't wait for someone great...I am waiting for someone marvelous...I am waiting for someone magnificent...even though he thinks of himself otherwise.

Michael is humble. Michael is everything I had wished for and more.

I wait for the day I can realize what it feels like to have my hand in his....to have his head on my shoulder...to have me succumb willingly to his open arms...

I wait, my friend. Your invisible friend awaits.


Sincerely,

Kym